His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
