they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
