he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
