I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sex in a hospital.. check
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
