I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize