How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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