and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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