He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
