I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
