The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
