I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
