Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
