Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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