I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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