he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
