Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
