I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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