i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
