His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
