Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
