you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
