The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Life is so much better after having sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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