guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
