I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
