I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
