Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
