i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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