Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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