How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
