Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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