Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
