I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
