I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm just crazy horny about you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
