Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
