Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize