I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
