Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
