u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
