I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
