Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
