His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize