im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
