i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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