I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
