Already got asked if we're dating
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
