im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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