i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
