im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
