im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
