There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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