you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
