everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
