i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
