bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
