I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
