How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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