And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
