If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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