READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
