its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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