Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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