i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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