Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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