I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Mom said you looked used
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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