Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
