Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
