I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
