You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
