Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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