burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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