but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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