I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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