why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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