He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
