i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
