I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize