It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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