Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
