..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
