Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
