You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
