yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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