There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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