he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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