We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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