The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
