DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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