your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
