I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
