Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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