I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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