She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize