If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
