dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
