We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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