sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
