you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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