We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
