Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
