She is in my trunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
