I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize