i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
