oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize