Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
