If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
