got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
