Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
