It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize